GEORGE A. ROMERO PRESENTS: DEADTIME STORIES, VOLUME 1 - **

Directed by Jeff Monahan, Michael Fischa, Tom Savini. Starring Bingo O’Malley, Amy Marsalis, Nick Mancuso, Jeff Monahan, George A. Romero. Horror, USA and Canada, 73 mins, cert 15.

Released in UK on DVD by Momentum on the 3rd October, £12.99.

The name of any respected genre director attached to a project can induce levels of excitement and anticipation amongst their fans regardless of how varying the consistency of their output is.

The same will no doubt accompany DEADTIME STORIES VOLUME 1’s DVD release amongst those that have yet to see it; however be warned. George A. Romero’s name may sit above the title however aside from sitting in a chair and announcing what to expect from each of the three tales in this anthology and a poor afterthought this is really writer Jeff Monahan’s baby

Monahan, whom has appeared in Romero’s TWO EVIL EYES and THE DARK HALF, has not only penned the three varying tales offered up in this anthology but also directed the first and worst segment of the piece VALLEY OF THE SHADOW, as well as displaying his limitations as an actor in the second story aptly named WET.

Nothing can quite prepare you for the awfulness that is VALLEY OF THE SHADOW, a sort of CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST-lite, where writer/director Monahan appears to think that just pointing a camera at some actors - that term is used very loosely here - and to provide them with risible dialogue is enough to thrill and entertain. In fact it is so bad that chances are you would have given up on wanting to watch the rest of the anthology. Rest assured things do get better, not much, but certainly less-jaw-droppingly trite.

The slim outline of a story sees wife Angela (Amy Marsalis) appropriate the funding to venture to the same South American jungles her husband disappeared three years prior. Aside from looking for her missing husband little else is clear as Angela and her small team get stalked by natives – well, make that one native shot to give the impression of a few; it doesn’t work – until SHADOW finishes on a shot that is so banal and poorly conceived that you’ll want to punch the screen in frustration.

It’s true that Monahan has never directed anything prior to SHADOW and here’s hoping people will see sense not to let him do so again. Witness the rather stupid flashbacks Angela has to remind the viewer that she is looking for her missing husband and for the love that drives her.

We know this because we see her husband reading on their bed clothed with his wedding ring in shot lest we think she’s having a bit of naughtiness with another fella. We cut to him placing his glasses next to him on the bed. Quite why we need to see this is beyond this reviewer. Oh yeah, she’s now laid down next to the glasses arms by her side to indicate that love-making is taking place even if she appears to be laid out like she’s dead. Hardly indicates their passion when she doesn’t move for fear of moving the glasses out of shot.

Along with no sense of how to write or direct Monahan also hasn’t any idea of how to cast the right actors nor make the most of his limited finances. SHADOW looks desperately cheap, lacks coherency, is badly acted (can any of SHADOW’s cast actually act at all?) and makes bugger all sense.

The South American jungles Angela goes searching for her missing husband in are so obviously NOT South American jungles rather a local park no matter how much native animal noise is added to the soundtrack. The make-up effects are appallingly bad. Witness the withdrawing of a native’s dart from the financer’s face. The camera shot of seeing the dart pulled through the mouth is so hugely unconvincing you wonder just what on earth you’re actually wasting your time watching it for. In fact there’s been nothing this shoddy on-screen make-up effects likewise for a long time.

Fortunately Monahan hands over the directing duties to Michael Fischa for creepy mermaid tale WET if only to show he’s as limited an actor as those he cast in SHADOW. Monahan stars as Jack a lonely alcoholic beachcomber who fails to heed the warning from local antiques dealer Swan (Nick Mancuso) regarding some ‘treasure’ he has found.

Said treasure is a small box that contains a mermaid’s hand (no really!) which Swan declines purchasing knowing that the item should be gotten rid of quickly. Swan warns Jack that if he doesn’t get rid of the box then soon the other pieces of the mermaid will come together, reform and change Jack’s life forever and not necessarily in a good way.

Jack is obviously a bit wet, so rather than heed Swan’s warning he sets about finding the other boxes with mermaid remains and puts it all together. Then one stormy night a mermaid appears at Jack’s abode and reveals that she is rather partial to nibbling on Jack’s private bits and far from the answer to all his life’s problems.

Whereas VALLEY OF THE SHADOW hardly merits an individual score out of five stars WET, for all its faults, would earn three for creating mood via its decent twinkling piano-based score and paving over its daft narrative and wooden acting with a drive that makes you actually want to see where the story goes.

An evil mermaid is not exactly commonplace in horror fare and makes for a refreshing change and aside from a dodgy fin is otherwise very convincing. The same can be said for WET’s splattering of gore proving that Fischa knows his game better than Monahan and although still far from perfect it makes for a marked improvement on the frankly shoddy SHADOW.

The final segment is the best of the bunch which isn’t saying a lot however if all had been of the same standard one would be itching to give the inevitable second volume of DEADTIME STORIES a viewing.

Set in the early 1900’s, HOUSE CALL is neatly framed and claustrophobic feeling surprising given make-up supremo Tom Savini is calling the shots. Remember how flat his NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD remake was? With rain lashing down outside and three very credible performances with Bingo O’Malley alone, as elderly country doctor Dr. Marsten, pulling more acting weight and ability than all the actors in both other segments together and then some.

Dr. Marsten is called out in a hideous storm – yes another one, wasn’t there one in WET too? – by a very worried mother Mrs. Norman (Maryanne Nagel) who fears for her son Jimmy’s (Jason Hoehnen) health and sanity. The boy claims to have survived an attack from a powerful beast and has been restrained upon his bed lest he attacks. Where the tale goes isn’t startling however it is involving and raises the bar considerably on what has come before ending with a pay off that leaves you wishing SHADOW and WET just hadn’t happened at all.

Showcase Entertainment have evidently decided to put out what they consider to be the best from their six short stories for their first volume DVD release as both VALLEY OF THE SHADOW and WET were originally shown as part of VOLUME 2. When you add in that HOUSE CALL had originally been intended as the first short story in horror anthology Tom Savini’s CHILL FACTOR as far back as 2004 and was never actually part of DEADTIME STORIES VOLUME 1 or 2. It’s fair to say that this reviewer will not be rushing to watch the next volume when the best offering on this disc never even came from the series it now masquerades under.

Sean Cockwell.

GORE IN THE STORE
REVIEWS BY FANS FOR FANS
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH