15th December 2008.

It’s Christmas. As I’ll be spending the next few weeks in sunny Argentina – surveying the South American shocker scene, meeting up with the Rojo Sangre Festival organisers in Buenos Aries and spending New Year in Mar del Plata – I couldn’t go without spreading a little Scrooge grumpiness this festering season. So in homage to those great magazine features by John Waters, here are the 25 things I currently hate the most:

I wake up on the wrong side of the bed (1) after having a lousy night’s sleep (2) only to find I’ve run out of my favourite Illy coffee (from the Trieste head factory) and finally have to use that emergency packet of Segafredo Intermezzo (3) instead. The mail is late (4) as usual and only contains invites to corporate Christmas Parties (5) where everyone but me ends up drunk (6) and therefore thinks I’m a sanctimonious bore. It’s just that I can’t bear standing around (7) small talking (8) to people I’ll doubtless never see again.

Other mail invites are for movies us London Film Critics’ Circle members must see in order to vote for our NSPCC sponsored Award Ceremony at the Grosvenor House Hotel (9) on February 4, 2009. None of the anticipated contenders have shown any real merit though from THE READER and REVOLUTIONARY ROAD to THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON and DOUBT. As for titles like SEVEN POUNDS (10) and AUSTRALIA (11) don’t get me started. I’ll be happy with SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE winning everything Critics’ Circle, Oscar and BAFTA wise.

One thing is becoming crystal clear in the Credit Crunch (12) nothing can be taken for granted, even by the entertainment industry which this time will not escape the recession (13) impact. More films will not be press shown, aggressive bus shelter/phone booth marketing (14) seen as a relevant and cost-effective substitute. Film critics are now seen as redundant the reason many are losing their jobs. Frankly if you saw FOUR CHRISTMASES (14) after all those bad reviews then you only have yourself to blame - and for the loss of such quality control forums. Why is it the lousier a film is, the more money it makes? Look at QUANTUM OF SOLACE (15). Those two movies I wouldn’t object to anyone seeing on pirate DVD (16) because they could only be improved by being shaki-cam-tastic and out-of-focus (17).

Not that I care about disaster happening to some people in the industry, like French-based producer Samuel Hadida (18) who still owes me a lot of money for a tough job I did for him in Morocco (19) five years ago. I’m so glad to hear from my friends in Paris (20) that he’s having a tough time with his latest, SOLOMON KANE. But what did he expect using Michael J. Bassett (21), the only director I’ve ever come across whose cast members on both his prior films told me to print their true feelings about him. I didn’t (22) because I do have some ethical boundaries (23). Not that my fellow FrightFesters Ian (24) and Paul (25) ever believe that.

See you in 2009….until next time.