9th August 2008.

The Film4 FrightFest Olympics are under starter’s orders. A five-day marathon where the only protests allowed will be over Ian’s Scottish accent. The only pollution will be sweat in the air (come on guys wash for chrissakes!). And the only human rights contravened will be those if a film hasn’t turned up and we’re forced to play Sing-along-a MAMMA MIA!

Only joking, the prints are all here (but we have back-up just in case) and THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN will be showing despite nervousness in some forum quarters based on its strange dumping in the States. If it was a bad movie I could understand it. But it isn’t, it’s one of our best.

Anyway, here at FrightFest Central (i.e. Greg’s Clout offices in the heart of London’s glittering West End, okay sleazy Soho) Jean Luc Rattray has filmed another podcast. Now, stop it, you never know it might be good this time! All our guests’ bags are packed and they’re ready to go by plane, train and automobile. Our own unique goodie bags look fab and should be shamelessly stuffed to the gills. And those little FrightFest surprises you all love are in place. It’s all going so well, we’re scared!

But when you have nothing to worry about, you worry about nothing, as my old, and I do mean old, friend David MacGillivray once said. He’s miffed he’s not in the short film showcase with his latest Pathetique movie. While I quite liked it, Paul didn’t, and as he’s running that show (thank god!), he had the final say. “But I thought we were family”, whined David. Yes, we are I told him, the Manson family! Doubtless he’ll try and blag his way in somewhere, so be kind if he does. At least he can now use his free bus pass to travel to the Odeon.

I’ve thought long and hard about my Opening Night outfit this year. As most of you seemed so shocked by seeing me wearing a pinstriped suit last FrightFest, I thought I’d be more catwalk chic, more fabulously on-trend. Whatever I wear it’ll certainly be better than Paul’s usual Primark sale gear (well he does have a baby to provide for now), or that shirt Ian has worn for nine years in a row. Even in Cannes let me tell you! Greg will be Ted Baker efficient as usual, or boring, depending on your point of view.

I must flag up that my good friend and LA guest Jace Anderson (co-writer of her partner Adam Gierasch’s AUTOPSY and MOTHER OF TEARS) will be celebrating her 40th birthday during FrightFest. On Sunday August 24, the reason we programmed the film then. Just like we did for David Soul two years back, I’m going to get one of those big birthday cards so as many of you can sign it as possible. If you feel like singing ‘Happy Birthday’ at my stage cue, please do so. Just make it look impromptu rather than pre-planned.

Be forewarned the usual paparazzi will be buzzing around the joint pointing their cameras at everyone, Empire, our own Johanna and Zone Horror, fronted by the ever-gorgeous Emily Booth. And because we aren’t competing with the Edinburgh Film Festival this year, we’ll have a lot of name critics in the audience for a change. And that’s no slight on Kim Newman, our beloved die-hard attendee. Mark Kermode will be filming over that weekend – does anyone actually watch The Culture Show – so yet again he can’t make it. We did have him ear-marked as our quiz MC at one point. But then the quiz got put on the back burner due to the bumper load of films on offer this year. Did we want to axe a movie for it? Our feeling was no, so it became an organization orphan and died a lonely death. If you really miss it, that much we’ll revive it next year for our 10th Anniversary super-spectacular.

Between now and our EDEN LAKE kick-off, I’m pretty much out of the frame and leaving the final FrightFest finessing to my capable partners. I’m still heavily involved with Pathe and Celador on THE DESCENT 2, doing stuff on SALVAGE, a horror thriller made for the Liverpool City of Culture celebrations, covering DORIAN GRAY, starring Ben Barnes and Colin Firth, on set and on Birmingham locations with TORMENTED. The latter is about a bullied schoolboy returning from the dead to kill the classmates who drove him to suicide. It’s a terrific and very amusing script.

So my Frightfest duties will be more in spirit during the final countdown than hands on. But I have no doubt we’re going to all have a great FrightFest this year. There’s something about this one that has given us a good feeling from the start. I think the printed programme is our best ever too. Don’t forget all praise should be directed at me, me, me. And any dissent at the other three. So let the funny games begin.

Until next time…