16th November 2009.

I always thought it would be great to be a vampire. Party all night. Do every illegal and immoral thing you wanted without suffering any consequences. Perhaps living forever might become a bit of a bore unless you could ensure your immortality at the precise moment you looked your absolute best. Who wouldn’t want the chance to find out? OK, by then it would be too late. But how fantastic to be around two centuries in the future to see if global warming did indeed have the catastrophic repercussions scientists are warning. Or to see if we did colonise Mars. Or realise immigration was a good thing after all. Or Jedward did last? What if the world does end though like in 2012? How would one’s eternal undead spirit still exist? Ah, “Accept the mystery” as the Coen Brothers’ latest unbearable ‘Comedy’ A SERIOUS MAN posits.  If I could be anyone in any undead movie I’d be George Hamilton in LOVE AT FIRST BITE. Not that I’d want to look that perma-tanned or ‘Medallion Man’ smooth but because he spent all his time dancing in discos. Heaven!

The reason why I’m in bloodsucker mode is because I’m off to see NEW MOON, the second chapter in the blockbuster TWILIGHT saga based on Stephenie Meyer’s book phenomenon. Every generation gets the vampire myth they deserve. NOSFERATU (1921) mined the lore’s repressive side in a society unshackling itself from the horrors of the Great War heading into the hedonistic 20s. Tod Browning’s classic DRACULA (1931) found Bela Lugosi as the last relic of a Victorian mindset still trying to be relevant in a rapidly changing world. Hammer’s assortment of Christopher Lee star adaptations went for erotic villainy, while AIDS terror minted numerous blood plagues through the 80s, leading to epic mainstream vampires in BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA and INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE.

Now we have the TWILIGHT movie series and TRUE BLOOD on TV. The former indulges in sappy romance, Bella Swan, the misunderstood outcast student who falls in love with the Bad Boy. Who knew vampires would actually want to go to school? Not that you’d know Edward Cullen was a vampire as in Meyer’s books and director Catherine Hardwicke’s film nobody actually gets around to anything messy or nasty. They merely swoon a lot. If anything TWILIGHT didn’t need the vampire angle because it’s teen soap opera pure and simple. Actually I liked TWILIGHT mainly because Kristen Stewart made me care and not really notice the compelling danger, horror and sexiness of normal vampire movies were missing. Then the books were never written with me in mind, but for female emo-goths desperate to connect with an acceptable dark side. Let’s see if Chris Weitz’ THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON addresses that supernatural political correctness balance. Or will Weitz pull another GOLDEN COMPASS screech-to-a-halt disaster?

TRUE BLOOD of course does give full reign to the vampire’s arsenal of sexy submission and neck-biting domination. In creator Alan Ball’s HBO sensation based on Charlaine Harris’ Southern Fried Dixie novels, the vampire is a metaphor for any minority group or alien culture. While the Cullens in TWILIGHT are trying to assimilate into society in a creepily clandestine way, TRUE BLOOD’s fang club have “come out of the coffin” and integrated to a larger extent thanks to the advent of synthetic blood. Sookie Stackhouse may be another outsider like Bella, but this telepathic waitress falls hook line and sinker for the whole mixed marriage bit with Civil War survivor Bill Compton. Embrace other’s differences TRUE BLOOD is saying, and you may find much to admire in the psychological smackdown. Incidentally, I was the first person in the world ever to interview Stephen Moyer (Bill Compton). On location in Wales in 1997 when he starred in PRINCE VALIANT for director Anthony Hickox. Although I think we both knew at the time that wasn’t going to be the vehicle he was looking for to achieve international stardom. Glad to see his perseverance paid off.

The common theme in both undead franchises, significantly written by women, is their collective vampires are happy in their skin, at peace with their lot, despite outside influences conspiring against them. It’s all a far cry from the jolting scariness of Stoker or Anne Rice. But like everything else in the genre, the vampire is a cyclical beast. It will be reinvented once more, go back to its deviant fantasy roots and be acclaimed as something new again. I’ll review NEW MOON the moment I see it.  

Until next time.

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