FrightFest

The Tesseract will always be etched on my mind as my worst-ever Frightfest experience. 90 minutes (or whatever it was) of almost unbearable tedium. One of the very few genuine 0/10 movies I've ever seen.

The Tesseract was bad. But my worst Frightfest film ever is still Dust. Never seen as many people walk out of a cinema before or since (from 5 minutes in). I had a mate who thought it would be funny to send me a copy of the dvd for my birthday a few years back. Notice I said 'had'. When it dropped through my letterbox I immediately got on the next train up to Manchester (where he lives) and disembowelled him with a chainsaw. Proof positive that watching horror films CAN lead to real life violence. Grrr.

This was so so terrible. I'd dragged a mate along to his first Frightfest experience for the day and this was his first film - it was embarrassingly poor.

There's one thing for which this movie will remain personally special to me:

I WALKED OUT.

After twenty minutes or so of puerile gibberish mainly centred around some indifferent music hall acts and two imbeciles in facepaint swapping obscenities I felt the urge to go and buy licorice allsorts (well known for their laxative properties). I've not walked out of a cinema in 25 years and have always maintained that every movie should be given the same chance. Police Academy 2, House of 1000 Corpses, the Planet Of The Apes remake - I survived them all but not this one. It was absolutely terrible and not even close to any basic level of professionalism or even competence. Not only could I do better - I have done better. And when I did it better it was still pretty terrible.

Bubbas Chilli Parlour still rates lower than this one... but I stayed till the end, I thought I'd passed the first hour, might as well go through to the very end...

However, my two FF Buddies ran like the wind at the first sign of papness... if only I had followed...

Sure, it's not a film I'm ever likely to watch again but I've seen worse. It's not a film that takes itself too seriously and that's what made it kinda work for me.

That having been said I'm not surprised so many people walked out early doors. The opening 15 or so minutes was pretty poor and didn't really set it up well.

bad film, bad performances and scantily clad women that puppy didn't even want his picture taken with.

still managed to get my photo taken with Mylene before this so still glad i was in at this time.

feggie wrote:bad film, bad performances and scantily clad women that puppy didn't even want his picture taken with.

still managed to get my photo taken with Mylene before this so still glad i was in at this time.

Scot 1!!!!

You know a films bad if Puppy's programme page remains void of guest signatures and the camera has no piccys on it... THEREFORE it does not exist!!!

Some (but not many) amusing bits - mostly dialogue-based - but on the whole a bit crap.

Did they honestly think a dwarf taking a shit in the woods was funny?

Porkboy wrote:Did they honestly think a dwarf taking a shit in the woods was funny?

Yep, for a whole 10 minutes

it was like the adult chuckle brothers, bad bad bad.

Also the zombie women they had to promote the film were fricking scary. I saw far too many big boobies and hungry bums eating white pants. Follow that up by walking into the loos, with one bent over removing said pants. That scared me more then any of the films shown over the weekend *shudder* hock:

oh my!!....i didnt think anything could get as bad as giallo but this topped it and yes i agree i kept expecting to see the chuckle brothers suddenly appear or some dodgy looking puppet to tell all the kiddies the best way to kill zombies...tone it down abit and they would make a fortune on sat morning tv...dire

Heh, I didn't think it was insanely bad, but definitely not great. It's all down to the type of humour - if it doesn't gel with you, you'll hate it. Personally, I preferred it to a lot of the British horror "comedies" that crop up (I hated Evil Aliens, for example - just annoyed the hell out of me).

Even according to the director, this is a "thrown together in less than 6 months" deal made by a bunch of people from the burlesque circuit. There's worse things than that around.

I enjoyed this for what it was, a silly low budget northern english romp.
Quite funny in places and trying to hard in others also a tad long but plenty of sexy ladies .

Have to agree with a couple of other posters that this was definitely the worst film of this year's festival and one of the worst ever screened (yes - possibly even worse than those two early Adam Mason films Dust and 13th Sign).

Also, agree that the film felt like a cynical money-making exercise from two guys who showed no love of the genre whatsoever. If there's any justice, this will disappear without trace and make them no money at all.

The only film i've ever walked out of, it was that bad and i watch some right crap at home.

On the upside Giz did buy me a Maccy's to compensate, thank you kind sir!