films we just saw

[42nd Street Freak]

Supposedly he was not allowed to remove his name by LG.

[giles edwards]

Nice cameo by American Movie's Mark Borchardt as well.

The animations reminded most of Grease.

There's a far, far better prom night horror (with a very similar overweight comedy-relief-best-friend character, bizarrely) coming later this year though.

[Marlin]

Do you mean The Loved Ones? If so, it's not so much in a different league as it is an entirely different ball game. An excellent film.

[Grindhouse]

some pre cert laserdiscs came my way so a viewing of The Wild Geese,with hellraisers, Burton & Harris plus a cast of many inc Roger Moore,its hard to not like The Wild Geese my problems with it are that andrew v mclaglens direction in most of his films has no gravity of a serious mature director,all of his films jolly along like a boys own romp of adventure,like The Undefeated does only with big john,now dont get me wrong i dont dislike the wild geese,but say compared to the dogs of war,that does it better and shows the seedy side of being a merc,from choosing the weapons etc,the wild geese dispense with that,and just get on with the job of freeing a prisoner and dealing with a double cross and battling other soldiers and with a bit of how we can all get along black & white too.
so thats the wild geese,and for gods sake shoot him,do it for Emil!
neither of these top the daddy of all merc movies,it has to be the Mercenaries aka Dark Of The Sun,and if you ever want to read about just how bad it was in west africa/sierra leone for UN peace keepers then read Unscathed, Escape From Sierra Leone by major Phil Ashby which is as horrific as any horror novel out there.

[krispyg]

Catacombs

This made me scream, not in fear, certainly not in horror but in a way that implied for f*cks sake will something just happen in this film. Pink should stick to singing. The rest of the cast I don't care about and poor Victoria, what was so bad that she had to be hauled over to Paris, to attend some half arsed p*ss poor rave in underground vaults amongst 7 million dead people?

Does anyone know what happenned to the goat headed man? Was he supposed to come after her? Or did he just vanish out the film for no apparant reason

This is just awful, how and why Lionsgate took on this awful film is beyond me. It's not smart and it's certainly not clever.

The only redeeming feature is at the end of the film when poor Victoria smashes everyones faces in. Believe me I felt like doing the same when they said "hey it was just a joke". I am just waiting untill Pink crosses my path and then we will see who is laughing then!

Under no circumstances should you ever buy/rent or watch this film. Actually I withdraw that last statement.... If your life depended on it, then yes watch it. If it was watch Catacombs or a double bill of the Friday the 13th remake AND Wrong Turn 3, then, hmm, ok it would be a close call.

But this is just total drivel. There are many better ways of spending 90 minutes of your life than wasting it on watching this

[giles edwards]

Do you mean The Loved Ones? If so, it's not so much in a different league as it is an entirely different ball game. An excellent film.

Oui, oui. I doubt we'll see a better horror picture this year. But let's not hype it up, eh!?

[giles edwards]

Catacombs

This made me scream, not in fear, certainly not in horror but in a way that implied for f*cks sake will something just happen in this film. Pink should stick to singing. The rest of the cast I don't care about and poor Victoria, what was so bad that she had to be hauled over to Paris, to attend some half arsed p*ss poor rave in underground vaults amongst 7 million dead people?

Does anyone know what happenned to the goat headed man? Was he supposed to come after her? Or did he just vanish out the film for no apparant reason

This is just awful, how and why Lionsgate took on this awful film is beyond me. It's not smart and it's certainly not clever.

The only redeeming feature is at the end of the film when poor Victoria smashes everyones faces in. Believe me I felt like doing the same when they said "hey it was just a joke". I am just waiting untill Pink crosses my path and then we will see who is laughing then!

Under no circumstances should you ever buy/rent or watch this film. Actually I withdraw that last statement.... If your life depended on it, then yes watch it. If it was watch Catacombs or a double bill of the Friday the 13th remake AND Wrong Turn 3, then, hmm, ok it would be a close call.

But this is just total drivel. There are many better ways of spending 90 minutes of your life than wasting it on watching this

Even the Charles Band-produced, late 80s, weird-monk picture Catacombs was better...

[krispyg]

Sick Nurses

Is it a horror, is it a comedy, is it a parody? Does it even have a script? My general guess is that the doctors partne is murdered as she was about to spill the beans on the fact that the doctor was selling dead bodies (something we don't see happenning). But it's not a her, it's a him, the doctors partner was originally a man who had an operation to become a woman. Oh and all the nurses who work with this doctor are in love with him. This is why I joined BUPA!

My head is still f*cked from this Thai film, I dunno what category to put it is as it seems to cros several genres en route.

Ok the deaths are pretty nasty and there is a recurring theme that the ghost of the dead lover will avenge you by whatever your own sin is but where as Seven did this well, with Sick Nurses it's a case of blink and you will miss it.

Even now I don't quite get this film, what it sets out to achieve etc, whereas say Dumplings had a purpose, this is just all out weirdness at its best.

Can I reccomend it? My problem would be who to reccomend it to exactly.....

Strangely likeable....

[42nd Street Freak]

Yeah...but "The Dogs of War" was fucking tedious and wasted its cast. Both charges you've not got a snowball's chance in Hell at leveling at "The Wild Geese".

[42nd Street Freak]

"Street Trash"

http://www.beardyfreak.com/rvtrash.php


Lets get some things out of the way first dear readers…Yes ”Street Trash” is lots of fun and has some genuine 'wow' moments, but it's also sadly not the film it could have been.

Running at least 10 minutes too long it suffers from a pretty tiring first 40 minutes as the screenplay tries to keep track of so many characters and subplots while the dialogue tries to keep track of your ears due to the lousy sound recording.

Proceedings are not helped by the sad conclusion we have to face that despite what he may think…Roy Frumkes is not John Waters.
Where Frumkes' actual dialogue is used (sometimes the actors would improvise heavily) the film is obviously trying to redo much of that superlative work done by Waters in the likes of “Desperate Living“ but he lacks that astute ear for the grotesque, the absurd and even the sublime that Waters has (or at least had, today even John Waters can’t do John Waters) and he most certainly does not have the sheer joyous, wondrous, scale of unique thespian talent to work with (for the most part) that Waters had to make many of these scenes welcome and fascinating even if the plot stands still while they play out.

Thankfully though things magically improve just before the half way mark as the sound recording improves, the sleaze gets upped, the action and grue get upped and with endless introductions now out of the way the plot can settle down to incident after incident that sees much of the promise of the film’s set-up finally come to fruition.

The melting effects improve a great deal too later on and there are some real classic gore and splat moments here that still hold up today and are just as much sickening fun as they ever were.

Comedy and drama sometimes mix badly here though and the ‘serious social issue’ part of the plot does not hang well at all with out and out carnivale grotesque scenes like that of a bum (otherwise with no ill-effects) trying to catch his (rather impressive in size) severed penis as it gets tossed around the junkyard by the other homeless guys like a frisbee.

Another controversial moment of that sudden shift away from cartoon goofiness and grossness to out and out serious nastiness is during a murder/gang rape (actual assault off-screen) where suddenly those silly, silly, oh so silly bums become (and are filmed as) slavering night creatures who drag off a woman screaming into the darkness to her fate.
That she is then later violated even in death is the putrid cherry on the top of the turd cake.
It’s a genuinely unsettling and uncomfortable sequence (though superbly crafted and shot, as indeed is much of the night time cinematography) that works very well as full-on exploitation, but again sits a bit strangely with the penis frisbee shenanigans and the otherwise goofy 'n' gormless portrait of the bums.

As the nutty ‘Nam man Bronson, Vic Noto is bags of fun. His out of control rants are a marvel and his facial contortions mix perfectly with his line delivery.
This is one scary guy!

As his long suffering squeeze, Minette, Nicole Potter is a revelation. Caring not one bit about how she looks she gives a genuinely barnstorming, and unflattering as hell, performance as her character (dressed in the world’s least sexy, utterly filthy, underwear and caked in dust and grime) screeches her defiance at Bronson and cackles at other’s misfortunes.
She essays one of trash cinema's most memorable characters ever in fact

Also of note is ex-Cop (now a born again Christian no freakin’ less) Bill Chepil as the Detective.
With the angriest face in movies he thuds his way through the plot and the bums with great vigour.
His coup de grace after he beats a would-be hitman to a pulp is unlike anything you’ve seen a Cop do in a film either (or in real life one hopes) and we can only give praise he found Jesus after he shot this scene.

But the real highlight, among these highlights, are two sub-plot characters and actors that really have no baring on the main plot at all.
They are Tony Darrow’s Mr Duran and the vastly underrated James Lorinz’ restaurant doorman who butt heads throughout the film.
Improvising much of their dialogue and exchanges they make what could be two annoying guys (because they take us out of the main plot and away from the main characters) instead turn out to be the greatest bits of non-melting entertainment in the movie.

“Street Trash” failed to really find its audience when first released and I think it’s because of the constant shift in style and attitude and the flabby, often dull as hell, first half that needed some major fixing.
But today it has a strong cult reputation and yes it does ultimately deserve that reputation thanks to the vastly superior last 50 minutes and for all the far-out, blood and gunk drenched, improvised dialogue, wonderment, the sometimes very strong performances and way out ideas that more often than not succeed.

So what the hell…go slumming with that “Street Trash”.

[42nd Street Freak]

"The Professor"

Before he wowed the dinner party brigade with "Cinema Paradiso" Giuseppe Tornatore made this troubled 5 hour TV mini series that never saw the light of day as a 5 hour TV mini series.

Instead it was cut down by half and released as a feature and the cutting really shows (especially later on) as far as the rather muddled plot goes.
And yet this severe editing was also probably a good thing in other ways.
It's a bit like being saved from drowning only to find the lifejacket chucked out to you has had a dog turd smeared around the collar.
Sometimes salvation can be a messy business.

The trimming works as far as having even remotely watchable pacing goes and certainly as far as keeping your brain from flowing out of your ears goes.
Something that surely would have happened in its 5 hour form as you would have tried to grasp the bewildering number of 'every other one looks alike' characters who all have 10 different, politically and culturally Italian specific, plots and double crosses to their incomprehensible name.

Never a real fan of Sicily and Naples set mafia tales me (give me those lovely Italian-American Mafia mongrels any day as far as groovy Mob drama goes....I love those big fat bastards) as they tend to be very country specific as far as political plots and deals go, lack any good Mob action, and it often leaves me cold when Guiseppe argues with Domenico about which Catholic politician to bribe this afternoon.
Hell no, give me a fat guy (in a bad short sleeved shirt) called Vinnie arguing with another fat guy (in a zip up top) named Carlo about the best meatball recipe while 'whacking' some mug in the woods any time.

Thankfully though the thing is saved (and even made pretty damn watchable) by the hammy as all hell turn by the always hammy as all hell Ben Gazzara as 'The Professor' who by virtue of not being as thick as all the other guys in prison creates a criminal empire based on MUCH...MUCHLY...MUCH death and destruction in the form of bloody shootings and nasty knifings.

Away from Gazzara that surprisingly amount of cold blooded violence keeps things energised (see a woman get holes blown in her as she walks along holding the hand of her little boy, see a guy get stabbed so many times the shower room turns crimson) and here we can thank the editing to ensure that the film does not slow to a dead mans' walk between these outbursts.
Hell the plot is so full of betrayals, shadowy schemes, double-dealings, betrayals, misunderstandings and international plotting that we have more than enough to be going on with any way.

Bloated (despite being gutted, go figure), too complex and culturally specific to truly excite...but there are still enough scenes of carnage (including a great assassination/finding the bodies montage that must have been on Scorsese's mind when he crafted that great and similar sequence in "Goodfellas") and enough scenes of Gazzara going nutzoid in a series of bad wigs to keep any trash hound at least entertained.



"SAW 6".

If as far as plotting went you really had no chance following the 'Saw' films after "Saw 2" if you had never seen any of the others...here even those who have followed the series will find themselves needing very much the mass of flashback sequences to appreciate the full goings on in "Saw 6".

And even then, despite all that and despite that the plotlines left dangling are all tied up, "Saw 6" has a few new 'Er?' moments of its own creation thanks to some sadly murky plotting near the end.
As such the need to reprise so much of the plot from flashbacks throughout the film (not just at the end as usual) and the less than clear plotting at times make "Saw 6" not as satisfying as the last 2 sequels imho and the need to flashback means the film never really becomes it;s own film until a good 40 minutes in.

Some of the traps are nasty nasty (especially the opening, prepare to wince!) but by now the traps are getting stale in general. As such this is not as good as people have been saying it was.
Still a must for "Saw" fans though...and it has a finale moment that's just great and totally unexpected.
Although for the first time ever in the series, despite this really being an end as far as the past five "Saw" movie plotlines are concerned, the film ends on a genuine cliffhanger. As such it never, ever becomes a real whole.
But the cliffhanger could well pave the way for a (HOPEFULLY!!!!!) final movie that could really deliver and satisfy.

[42nd Street Freak]

How is everyone? Good I hope. Salivating waiting for tickets...


"Nosferatu" (Herzog)

Although not as good a film overall as the silent classic, Herzog's film does perhaps feature an even more creepy and dangerous Dracula than even our Max. Our Klaus!

Kinski's make-up is basically the same but wisely loses those rather bushy eyebrows, and when mixed with the really intense performance he gives (just check out the scene where he pours Harker a drink of wine but never, not even for a second, takes his feral, hungry, eyes off him) creates a Dracula who is perhaps the only really, truly, dangerous Dracula on screen.

Although such a creature fails to work as Stoker's 'Count' persona part of Dracula, who has to interact with the everyday world to plot his plans, because he looks just far too inhuman (Harker would have run a mile as soon as he saw this creature!).
But as a scary Vampyric creature?
Well quite frankly this version (in both original and re-make, but especially here) of Dracula is the scariest most unnerving Vampire seen in anything...Be it a Dracula film or any other Vampire movie.

Herzog does pad things out a bit too much and does tend to briefly pop his head up his own arse on the odd occasion...But the extended running time means he can do all the classic "Nosferatu" moments as well as adding in a few (pretty faithful, at least in spirit) Stoker moments into the mix.

The haunting music, great make-up, and highly effective Cinematography and framing (just check out the superb scene where Lucy is sitting in front of her mirror and watches the door open behind her to reveal only a creeping shadow that moves towards her until the physical Dracula finally appears on the far right of the frame as she turns away from the mirror to face him!) mean we have a really classy slice of arthouse horror.

And I forgot just how truly gorgeous and radiant Isabelle Adjani is. A voluminous Gothic beauty.

You have to love the fact as well that we have a version of Van Helsing here who refuses to believe in such silly things as vampires!
The plague aspect of the story is played up far more here than in the original, and this means Herzog can create some classic Gothic vistas of death as dozens of coffins are carried through the town square at the exact same time by an army of pall bearers.
Silly as hell really (and it seems to avoid the plague simply become an undertaker, given the mass of them seen here!) but an effective visual for sure.
And this aspect of Dracula as a plague, or later to our modern eyes as a cancer, is something picked up on brilliantly by both the original and this re-make..and yet never seems to be picked up by any other adaptation.
Instead you get rubbish like we see in the Crapola version were this cancer becomes a romantic anti-hero! Dear me.....

The 'never saw the real plot point of him anyway' Renfield is sadly essayed here as an annoying little dwarfy person who hams it up to distraction...and just goes to show what a truly outstanding, and I mean truly, truly outstanding, job Dwight Faye did in the Lugosi film.

The ironic, black comedy ending sort of sits badly with the rest of the very serious film, but the final image is a good one and overall this was much better than I remembered it and Kinski's Dracula is a great Vampire for sure.
Check it out if you have not done so...But watch the German language version.

[Melvin Junko]

Last couple of weeks:

Dr Alien - 80's sexy sci fi comedy. A nerd gets injected with an experimental serum by his alien biology teacher. The serum turns him into an irrisistable sexgod. He also joins a band called the Sex Mutants. This was awesome! So cheesy, pure trash.

Cabin Fever - re-watched this one to get in the mood for the 2nd one. Still a very decent little horror flick.

Cabin Fever 2 - Was ok I guess, Some good deaths, but all in all a bit lame.

Kung Fu Wonder Child - Fuck me I love this movie so much. Black magic, Kung Fu, Monsters, Zombies, Hopping Vampires, hilarious dubbing and loads more. This one's got it all!

Starship Troopers 3 - rubbish cgi, pretty much ruined the movie.

The Howling - Started quite slow but turned out to be pretty damn good. Some good transformations / special effects, pretty gory in parts. Nice one!

Candyman - reminded me of why I had a huge crush on Virginia Madsen as a teenager. Good adaptation of the CLive Barker story, even though it was Americanised.

Candyman 2 - pretty rubbish, lost interest after about an hour. Had some good laughs because of the shit acting sometimes though.

Jack Frost - Good cheap stupid fun!

Shock em dead - about the 3rd time I've seen this now, still awesome. Virgin Girl is such a tune!

A*P*E - Korean King Kong movie, spectaculairly bad.

Treevenge - good, funny, gory. All in all a great short!

Retardead - The sequal to monsturd, so with the same type of humour. Loved it, although once the 'special kids' became zombies they weren't all that 'special' anymore. In that was The Special Dead was a lot better I thought. Still very entertaining.

Sons of Anarchy seasong 1 & 2 - Brilliant biker series. Was expecting some more cliffhangers towards the end of season 2 but I guess I'll have to wait till september to see what happens next.

Went to Frightfest in Glasgow as well and saw:

2001 maniacs; field of screams - proof that loads of boobs and gore don't always make a good movie. Just like the 1st 2001 maniacs it was all a bit too silly for me.

Stagnight - Ok horror flick about a bunch of people on the run from cannibals in the subway tunnels in Romenia, eeeh I mean New York. One Brilliant kill, but waaaay too much irritating shaky camara work.

Lizard in a womens skin - I'm not into Giallo's at all, but the horrendous dubbing made this one quite entertaining.

Amer - First time in ages that I walked out halfway a movie. What a piece of rubbish. It all looked very pretty, started promising, but it was about NOTHING. So slow, hardly any dialogue, couldn't do anything with it.

Rec 2 - I thought it was great, story took an interesting turn, some good tension, too bad I had to run out to the loo a few times due to Stella.

Splice - I so would!

Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre - Started of with lots of good jokes but became pretty serious. Not a bad movie at all, but I couldn't really focus due to lots of beer and vodka.

[Rue-morgue Jay]

SHUTTER ISLAND:

For me it was one of the most rewarding 2 and 3/4 hours i've spent in the cinema for awhile.

Even though it's very early in the year, i believe despite THE METRO'S review on it (and especially the reviewer, who at every point has damn every horror film that has come out, EXCEPT Torment, by calling it a 'stylish british slasher?!) I think di caprio was awesome in this and should get a best actor nomination for his role. The supporting cast...

From patricia clarkson through jackie earle hayley and john carrol lynch to ben kingsley and max von sydow, the supporting cast were all on top form. My personal faves and people who i think should also get nods are:

Max von sydow- he was just slick as a mothertrucker!
Elias Koteas- robert de niro's twin who should have a much better career than being known as 'casey jones from teenage mutant ninja turtles movie)
and last, but no means least...

Ted Levine. he wasn't in the film that much, but every move, every look, every word he spoke was gold!
and for those who have seen it, the scene between him and di caprio in the jeep. pure gold!

Ifelt moved by every moment and the old movies of hollywood feel it had (for which i am going back and watching those kinds of films like 'gaslight' etc...) had me feeling like i was there with them through every twist and turn.

[42nd Street Freak]

Great thoughts guys!

Looking forward to seeing "Shutter Island". It may be an exceedingly rare indeed trip to the cinema in fact.