THE CRITIC-AL LIST
Reviews by Alan Jones
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Inception
Predators
The Twilight Saga:Eclipse
Toy Story 3
Hot Tub Time Machine
Iron Man 2
Repo Men
The Collector
Clash of the Titans
Shelter
How To Train Your Dragon
Kick-Ass
Shutter Island
Alice In Wonderland
The Crazies
Case 39
The Wolfman
Legion
The Lovely Bones
Black Death
Daybreakers
Avatar
Ninja Assassin
The Descent: Part 2
Amer
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
The Box
2012
Disney's A Christmas Carol
The Horseman
Solomon Kane
Pandorum
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs
District 9
An Education
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra
Orphan
A Perfect Getaway
The Imaginarium Of
Doctor Parnassus
Up
Harry Potter
And The Half-Blood Prince
The Taking of Pelham 123
Transformers
The Revenge Of The Fallen
Antichrist
Terminator Salvation
Last House On The Left
Inglorious Basterds
Angels & Demons
Adventureland
Star Trek
Crank: High Voltage
Coraline
Dragonball Evolution
Let The Right One In
Drag Me To Hell
Race to Witch Mountain
Knowing
Monsters Vs. Aliens
Not Quite Hollywood
Lesbian Vampire Killers
Martyrs
The Children
Surveillance
Watchmen
The Unborn
The International
Friday The 13th
Franklyn
Push
Punisher:War Zone
The Good The Bad And
The Weird
Hush
Underworld
The Rise OF The Lycans
My Bloody Valentine
Bolt
Slumdog Millionaire

Directed by Stephen Sommers. Starring Dennis Quiad, Marlon Wayans, Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Action, USA, 2009, 118 min.

So is it G.I. Joke or G.I. Whoa?  Definitely the latter, because director Stephen Sommers’ big screen transfer of Hasbro’s other popular toy-line mythology (after TRANSFORMERS) now becomes my favourite summer blockbuster since STAR TREK.

I had no real idea what to expect. I was never a fan of Sommers’ MUMMY movies. I can take or leave most of the cast, especially Sienna Miller. But this proved to be great fun on every engaging and, surprisingly, artistic level. Action-packed to the max, and mounted on a massive scale, this non-stop thrill-ride is a terrific mash-up of comic book adventure, James Bond spectacle and video game dynamism. A special ops team of super-elite soldiers (known collectively as G.I. JOE since their 1983 re-branding) must stop the world domination plans of the mysterious Cobra organization with their metal-eating nano-mite weaponry in this Sommers-sized slice of pure escapism. Beginning in 1641 France, where the future is mapped out by Destro’s (Christopher Eccleston) ancestor, and ending in the Oval Office of the White House, there’s enough entertaining material here for ten movies, let alone this prime solo effort clearly waving its own sense of ridiculousness banner. The dialogue is hilariously self-aware (when the Eiffel Tower collapses “The French are pretty upset”!). The bold multi-story narrative - with smart origin flashbacks for the key characters, including Canning Tatum’s patriotic hero Duke, Byung Hun Lee’s vengeance-driven Storm Shadow, Miller’s evil Baroness and Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s mad Doctor - keeps interest top level. And the marvellous gadgetry is every Action Man’s fantasy. From propulsive power suits chasing cars through Paris and gigantic elevator descents through training programme floors to mini-sub battles and below polar icecap HQ technology, G.I. JOE’s epic high quality visuals continually assault the amazed senses. There’s so much to pass comment on; the opening torture shot, virtually an exact replica of the one in Mario Bava’s BLACK SUNDAY; Brendan Fraser’s un-billed cameo; the amusing sequence of Scottish dialect missile commands; Dennis Quaid barking out orders like a demented PATTON; the clone finale that predicts a sequel. 

Some may find the consistent innovation and visionary explosiveness in the relentless mayhem a bit mind numbing. I thought it made for an exceptionally exciting two hours of sensational distraction.

Alan Jones

© London FrightFest Ltd. 2000-2009
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