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Directed by Robert Englund. Starring Daniel Franzese. Shane McRae, Emily Foxler, Eric Jungmann. Certificate 15. Running Time 81 Minutes.

Release Date : 20 September 2010

Craig, Brody and Doug are three American twenty somethings, desperate to leave behind their family lives, they head off to LA. Whilst trying to find a property in which to leave, they end up at 666 Perdition Road, a charm of a house with a very dark secret, in the basement there is a portal to hell.

Ok, how can I put this is a nice way... and believe me i’m struggling but I really really hated this film and it is very rare that I would ever detest something that bad. Had it not been for reviewing it, it would not have reached the end of its running time. I sat and watched it one evening, couple of beers and hoping for something really cool and amazing but I was badly let down. I’ll try and break down what I dislike so that at least i’m being objective and to try and find something about it that is good.

Whilst I have never seen 976-EVIL, I thought I would check out the trailer to see what Rob Englunds directorial debut was like and I have to say I was really impressed. It’s totally OTT and hasn’t dated well but it looks a good example of a well made 80s horror and ticks all the right boxes for me. But the same can not be said for Killer Pad and whilst how much of that blame can be laid at his door, I still approached it with the belief if he is behind it then it would be at least half decent. However I now believe that initial estimation to be 49% too generous.

I feel more blame should lie with the awful script and the fact that I found nothing in this so called comedy horror that was for one millisecond what you could call entertaining. The horror isn’t scary, the comedy isn’t funny, there is not a single likeable or identifiable character in the whole sorry thing. And the vast majority of the jokes are just unfunny and when the highlight of the film is a lesbian being sucked down a killer toilet, you kind of get the impression you are onto a loser. Ok I get that a 15 certificate limits the gore and the nudity but to have none of either, oh please... Now maybe it’s that I don’t quite get American humour or maybe i’m just getting old but nothing in this was remotely funny, in fact i’d rather watch Stan Helsing 2 instead of this.

Can I find anything about this film that redeems itself...? Well it has Lin Shaye in it and a couple of faces that you may recognise but after that i’m really really struggling. I can not say to anyone go out and rent or buy this film, even if you were given it free I would feel like I would have robbed you of 80 odd minutes of your existence. And for that I would be truly sorry that you suffered the same visual nightmare that I did too.

Nothing about it makes you go wow that was scary or makes you raise a smile, the effects are awful, vultures circling the house and a glowing red hole that is supposed to resemble a “portal to hell”. After watching this the temptation was surely there to jump down it as it would have been a less painful experience.

The thought of Robert Englund directing this took me to a thought of our dismal footballing performance this summer, maybe when a player is good at their club it doesn’t mean they are good at the next level, by that I mean in an international capacity. And whilst no one doubts Robert has made some awesome films over the years and is a horror icon, maybe sticking to acting may just be a better idea if Killer Party is a reflection of his directorial abilities in 2010.

For what this would cost you to buy pick up some early Nightmare On Elm Streets or maybe even track down 976-EVIL (I will be doing) for an example of Mr Englund at his best. But please avoid this, if I thought you would even contemplate investing your time and money in this then I would be contemplating that offer to jump down that hole...

Extras : The disc came with no extras loaded which lets be honest is probably a good thing.

Kris Griffin.

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