THE CRITIC-AL LIST
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

The Crazies
Case 39
The Wolfman
Legion
The Lovely Bones
Black Death
Daybreakers
Avatar
The Stepfather
Ninja Assassin
The Descent: Part 2
Amer
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
The Box
2012
Disney's A Christmas Carol
The Horseman
Solomon Kane
Pandorum
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs
District 9
An Education
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra
Orphan
A Perfect Getaway
The Imaginarium Of
Doctor Parnassus
Up
Harry Potter
And The Half-Blood Prince
The Taking of Pelham 123
Transformers
The Revenge Of The Fallen
Antichrist
Terminator Salvation
Last House On The Left
Inglorious Basterds
Angels & Demons
Adventureland
Star Trek
Crank: High Voltage
Coraline
Dragonball Evolution
Let The Right One In
Drag Me To Hell
Race to Witch Mountain
Knowing
Monsters Vs. Aliens
Not Quite Hollywood
Lesbian Vampire Killers
Martyrs
The Children
Surveillance
Watchmen
The Unborn
The International
Friday The 13th
Franklyn
Push
Punisher:War Zone
The Uninvited
Amusement
The Good The Bad And
The Weird
Hush
Underworld
The RIse OF The Lycans
My Bloody Valentine
Bolt
Slumdog Millionaire

Directed by Dennis Iliadis. Starring Garret Dillahunt, Michael Brown, Joshua Cox, Riki Lindhome, Aaron Paul, Sara Paxton, Monica Potter, Tony Goldwyn. Horror, USA, 108 min.

Keep repeating, ‘It’s only a remake, only a remake, only a remake…’ Shouldn’t the latest Wes Craven redux be subtitled THE LAST GUESTHOUSE ON THE LEFT considering a great portion of the revenge action takes place there?

Oh, well, at least this glossy, not grungy, makeover looks polished even if the now cliché story is predictable to the max. That’s the main problem though. The 1972 original looked like a nasty porno movie, the lighting was awful, the rough-around-the edges feel giving it a starker brutality which really punched home the ruthless savagery of the crux rape/murder event motoring the simple plot. Nicked from Ingmar Bergman’s 1960 Oscar winner THE VIRGIN SPRING, but how many gore-hounds knew that back then? So director Dennis Iliadis has blunted much of the Vietnam/Manson era pseudo-documentary subtext and emotional intensity by presenting it in visually sophisticated terms. The result is now not so much a powerful statement on how ordinary people can be driven to acts of inhuman violence when pushed too far as a typical feel-good family revenge saga with extra splatter. Another problem is psycho prison escapee Krug as played by Garret Dillahunt (the Terminator in TV’s SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES). Sorry, but no one, No One, could ever match David Hess’ vile portrayal or seething menace in the sickly satisfying Craven classic.  Worse, after viciously raping Mari (Sara Paxton) and gruesomely stabbing (not disemboweling) her best friend Paige (Martha MacIsaac), Krug and company show fleeting moments of stunned regret. Can you imagine Hess feeling remorseful? No way. And that’s why Iliadis’ toned down revision is something of a betrayal of the seminal groundbreaker that took terror out of gothic castles and placed real horror right on people’s doorsteps.  While there’s still plenty to squirm at in terms of the explicit sexuality and bloodshed, the reconfiguring of the main story means expert swimmer Mari survives to tip off her parents (Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter) that the gang turning up at their remote lakeside home seeking medical attention are the murderous mob responsible for her plight. Krug’s son Justin (Spencer Treat Clark) is not the stoner retard either but the unwilling slave to his father’s death wishes who finally switches sides come the carnage climax. The one benefit of the main plot change is it does ramp up the tension in the final third when most needed thanks to a longer than necessary running time. Will the home invaders discover Mari injured on the coffee table and realize their cover has been blown? But Goldwyn and Potter’s sketchy characterizations as the parents driven to revert to primal inhumanity in agonized shock aren’t hammered home as much as they hammer the sadistic degenerates. It makes nonsense of the final, laughably grisly scene intended to underline the main point. Moral by microwave - who knew?

The bottom line here is Craven’s classic was coarse, graphic, ugly, uncomfortable viewing that scared everyone shitless. Craven’s oh-so-refined revisit isn’t scary in the least even if the slaughter level is higher. 

Alan Jones

© London FrightFest Ltd. 2000-2009
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