GORE IN THE STORE
REVIEWS BY FANS FOR FANS
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

Lawnmore Man (Blu-ray)
Peeping Tom - Re-issue
Siege of the Dead
Psych 9
Big Tits Zombie
Exquisite Corpse
The Collector
The Collector
(Second Opinion)
The Tortured
Zombies of Mass Destruction
Tears For Sale
Higanjima: Escape From
Vampire Island
I Spit On YOur Grave (1978)
Twelve (XII)
Dead Cert
[REC] 2
Mother
Killer Pad
Rin – Daughters of Mnemosyne
Death Tube
Death Tube
(Second Opinion)
7 Days
Death Note
Beyond The Rave
Hunter Prey
7th Dimension
Army of the Dead
Splintered
Basement
Meat Grinder
14 Blades
Manson Girl
The Blackout
The Torment
The Torment
(Second Opinion)
Hierro
Psycho - Blu-Ray
Pet Shop of Horrors
Kaiji:
The Ultimate Gambler
Shelter
Fullmetal Alchemist:
Brotherhood Part 1
The Final
Bubba Ho Tep - Blu-Ray
Picnic at Hanging Rock
Vampire
The Dead
Resurrecting
The Street Walker
The Haunting Of
Molly Hartley
Soul Eater: Part One
Rozen Maiden:
Traumend Vol. One
Bikini Girls On Ice
Diary of a Bad Lad
Satan's Baby Doll
Feast 111
Phobia
A Lizzard in a Woman's Skin
Valhalla Rising
City of the Living Dead
Dorothy
Daybreakers
Daybreakers
(Second Opinion)
Harpoon: The Reykjavik Whale
Watching Massacre
Harpoon:The Reykjavik Whale
Watching Massacre
(Second Opinion)
Feast 3:The Happy Finnish
Raging Phoenix
His Name Was Jason
Left Bank
Ju-On: White Ghost/White Ghost
Spiral
Ghost Machine
Stag Night
Bitch Slap
The Descent 2
The Descent 2-Second opinion
Dance of The Dead
Henry Lee Lucas: Serial Killer
House Of The Devil
The Twilight Saga
New Moon
Salvage
Salvage-Second opinion
Dread
The Haunted World of
El Superbeasto
Saw VI
The Horseman
Triangle-Second opinion
Triangle
Cabin Fever 2-Third opinion
Cabin Fever 2-Second opinion
Cabin Fever 2
Stan Helsing
Pandorum
Pandorum-Second opinion
Open Graves
Paranormal Activity
Growth
Growth-Second opinion
Train
Antichrist
Wrong Turn 3
Coffin Rock
Orphan
Sorority Row
Drag Me to Hell
Staunton Hill
Summer Moon
Driftwood
Messengers 2

 

Directed by Brett Leonard. Starring Pierce Brosnan, Jeff Fahey, Geoffrey Lewis, Austin O’Brien, Dean Norris, Troy Evans, Matt Frewer, Camille Cooper. Running time : 140 mins. Certificate : 15

Release Date : 25th October 2010.

The opening title card of Brett Leonard’s 90’s update of the traditional mad scientist horror yarn carries a would-be prophetic warning that, by the turn of the millennium, millions of people will be immersed in the brave new world of Virtual Reality. As it turns out, a more accurate projection would read something like “By the year 2010, almost a dozen filmgoers may demand a Director’s Cut of THE LAWNMOWER MAN that runs so long you can feel yourself age while simultaneously fearing Extended Versions of HIDEAWAY and VIRTUOSITY…”.

This movie was one of a series of hi-tech, high-concept thrillers Leonard made in Hollywood back in the 90’s before redeeming himself with the visceral horror flick FEED a few years ago. It didn’t seem anything special back in 1992, despite a bunch of advance publicity thanks to the lawsuit actioned by Stephen King to get his name off the credits (and the marketing), reflective of minimal resemblance to his same-named short story. Now it’s outrageously padded, which means the real plot doesn’t kick into action until the point (70 minutes in!!) where any sensible B movie should be building to its big climax!

Though King was eager to wash his hands of any connection (there are far, far worse movies out there with his name on them), the movie revolves around a typical King protagonist : a bullied outsider who instigates a decidedly CARRIE-like rampage in which he psychically controls petrol pumps and (of course) lawnmowers to terrorise his enemies. Too bad the big finale blows it by keeping all its gory stuff off-camera and that the movie’s entertainment value in the 21st century largely now rests with how dated it looks.

Pierce Brosnan is earnest in a pre-Bond role as a misguided scientist conducting experiments to use Virtual Reality training and disciplines in real battle scenarios. He feels V.R. holds the key to the evolution of the human mind, but initial experiments with a lab chimp have unforeseen consequences, resulting in what resembles a PG Tips commercial made by The Wachowski Brothers when they were still at school.

Cut to comic-book loving, child-like local handyman Jeff Fahey, a good-natured simpleton with the I.Q. of your average VAMPIRES SUCK audience and a life that largely consists of mowing lawns, getting flogged by sadistic Priests and being harassed by generic bullies. Promising to make him smarter, Brosnan uses Fahey as his next V.R. guinea pig, and the blonde misfit is soon reading books, developing psychic abilities and mowing the lawn shirtless in tight jeans so as to attract the neighbourhood’s resident comely blonde.

A buff, sympathetic Fahey, so often under-used in movies, has one of his meatiest screen roles here, making the transition from down-trodden Gump-like chump to technologically enhanced avenging-angel with charisma and conviction. Brosnan is good value, and you also get the kid from LAST ACTION HERO in support, along with the reliable Geoffrey Lewis, wrestling with a ill-advised comedy Oirish accent.

The movie’s gimmick in 1992 were its state of the art V.R. sequences, but these scenes - including a gloopy V.R. sex scene that’s a little like watching the T-1000 screwing - and awkward money-shot visuals like the giant Fahey head that looms over a street during the climax, looked dated by around the time of 1994. This film, above all else, leaves you wondering just how daft an awful lot of today’s CG-heavy blockbusters will look in 20 years time. (Please note : THE MUMMY RETURNS and CLASH OF THE TITANS are excluded from this given how silly they looked straight away).

The finale in the V.R. world consequently has all the impact of the 3-D wrap-up of the same era’s FREDDY’S DEAD. Nonetheless, there’s still fun to be had from watching the transformed Fahey speak of world domination (“By the year 2000 there wont be a person who isn’t hooked into it … and me!”) while Brosnan says redundant things in response like “You had a psychotic break!!”.

Extras include Leonard’s director’s commentary, deleted scenes and a 2nd disc with the 1996 sequel LAWNMOWER MAN 2 : BEYOND CYBERSPACE.

Steven West

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