THE CRITIC-AL LIST
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

The Crazies
Case 39
The Wolfman
Legion
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Black Death
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Ninja Assassin
The Descent: Part 2
Amer
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
The Box
2012
Disney's A Christmas Carol
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Solomon Kane
Pandorum
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs
District 9
An Education
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A Perfect Getaway
The Imaginarium Of
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Up
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And The Half-Blood Prince
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Not Quite Hollywood
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Push
Punisher:War Zone
The Uninvited
Amusement
The Good The Bad And
The Weird
Hush
Underworld
The RIse OF The Lycans
My Bloody Valentine
Bolt
Slumdog Millionaire

Directed by Phil Claydon. Starring James Corden, Matthew Horne, Paul McGann and MyAnna Buring. Comedy horror, UK, 86 min. Web Site.

To see footage from the FILM4 FrightFest world premiere click here.

Honestly it was the film I was dreading to see. James Corden with Matthew Horne, and their sit-com GAVIN & STACEY, is not my kind of humour at all. I’m the one person on the planet it seems who didn’t like SHAUN OF THE DEAD either, despite being in it as one of the featured zombies.

It’s fair to say SHAUN director Edgar Wright hated me for a couple of years after I called it a self-congratulatory wank. So attending the cast and crew screening of what was something sort-of similar was a worry, especially as I visited the LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS set for ‘Fangoria’ and absolutely adore director Phil Claydon. Originally I had just planned to see it with all the FrightFesters at our one-day Prince Charles event a few weeks back. I figured, rightly, the excitement would help smooth over any pre-conceived rough patches. In hindsight I needn’t have worried too much. The humour is still more bedpan deadpan than I would normally respond to, but I did laugh more than expected while being kept in a constant state of mild amusement. No point relating the story considering the title? Go on then, sex-crazed drunken slacker Corden and jilted loser Horne hike through the creepy Welsh village of Cragwich cursed by lesbianism. Cue MyAnna Buring’s appearance as a Swedish blonde femme Van Helsing who, with her nubile sexpot students, is researching the local legend of Carmilla the Vampire Queen. Add in Paul McGann as a foul-mouthed vicar channelling Peter Cushing and the girls, gags and gunk (no gore) recipe for success is complete. Where LVK is a complete triumph is in the wonderful look and Claydon’s canny direction. It truly is a visually resplendent Hammer Horror homage. For all its obvious vulgarity this spoof of the House of Horror’s Karnstein trilogy (THE VAMPIRE LOVERS, TWINS OF EVIL, LUST FOR A VAMPIRE) takes that nostalgic genre and celebrates it in cleverly aware ways. Claydon’s sharp direction, poetic visuals and whip-crack style are the edgy extras giving the key chiller elements and fun special effects a contemporary snap to connect with modern audiences. While most will doubtless be staring at the sporadic hot lesbian action I was entranced by how beautiful everything looked in atmospheric context. Sure the climax is drawn out, but what’s with the one star reviews (the News of the World complaining about the bad language of all things!) and ludicrous comparisons to the SEX LIVES OF THE POTATO MEN?

Delivering exactly what the come-on title promises in unpretentious spades for the SKINS mob, while appealing to older Hammer glamour viewers, LVK is a post-modern CARRY ON SCREAMING in my view.  Naturally I cannot wait to see the promised gay werewolf sequel!

Alan Jones

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