A rough guide to the trials and tribulations of Cannes.

Here for your delectation is a concise version of what happens at the festival.

First - accreditation us fright folk have market passes which we have to pay for, once the French powers that be have checked our film industry credentials and that we are who we say we are. This allows us to attend the various industry screenings occurring over the next week or so – at least that's the theory. In reality some of the screenings are invite only, sometimes buyers only, often no press are aloud at all - hence no reviews are allowed. We have 896 films to choose from this year so many many hours of homework and preparation is required to try and sort out some kind of a schedule. These market films are therefore not classed as premieres etc - so GIALLO for example which screened today and is World premiering in Edinburgh is not screened as a premiere here. Our passes also allow us to see the gala screenings in the Palais de Festival, but again this is a convoluted affair with us having to log in and pre-book these screenings but you cannot book more than 24 hours in advance and the tickets are limited.

The press have their own screenings and structure with various levels of status from pink - which is the God pass down to white which is essentially bloody useless. So this again leads to stressful and fevered scenes before certain films.

The other problem we sometimes encounter is when they have a "must see" film in the market, but they have booked the film into the smallest screen imaginable (think big TV)this can also lead to carnage outside the screening rooms.

Once inside you are sometimes surrounded by absolute tosspots.. constantly on their mobiles/blackberries, plenty of walk ins and walk outs once the movie has started and various other nonsense - so often these are not the optimal circumstances to watch the latest Croatian 3 and a half hour masterpiece.

But it's not all bad...as a fully paid up cinema fan Cannes is simply THE place to be - film is the ONLY thing on peoples lips and minds 24 hours a day for the duration of the festival and I LOVE it with a passion!

So on with todays shenanigans.. I was turned away from THE 4TH KIND a new Milla Jovovich flick which has been picked up for the UK. This gave me time to catch up with "the film festival mafia" - our friends and programmers from the fantasy film fest circuit.. on then to Dario's GIALLO. Some nice sequences and some unintentional laugh out loud lines we had a blast at the screening. Next up was THE DESCENT 2 - a solid sequel with some great scare sequences. Alan then went to see CLIVE BARKER'S DREAD which I had seen last week and thoroughly enjoyed.

Back home to the villa for an early night following yesterday's late nigh Petite Majestic shenanigans. (the Brits pub like hang-out of choice) A peaceful end to the first day of Cannes proper.

Until later…

Paul

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