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5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

Lawnmore Man (Blu-ray)
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Psych 9
Big Tits Zombie
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7 Days
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Hierro
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Picnic at Hanging Rock
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The Dead
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The Haunting Of
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Soul Eater: Part One
Rozen Maiden:
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Satan's Baby Doll
Feast 111
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A Lizzard in a Woman's Skin
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Harpoon: The Reykjavik Whale
Watching Massacre
Harpoon:The Reykjavik Whale
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His Name Was Jason
Left Bank
Ju-On: White Ghost/White Ghost
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Henry Lee Lucas: Serial Killer
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Triangle
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Stan Helsing
Pandorum
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Open Graves
Paranormal Activity
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Train
Antichrist
Wrong Turn 3
Coffin Rock
Orphan
Sorority Row
Drag Me to Hell
Staunton Hill
Summer Moon
Driftwood
Messengers 2

 

Directed by Andrew Shortell. Starring Sara Foster, Cary Elwes, Michael Biehn, Coleen Camp and Gabriel Mann. USA. Horror/Thriller. 98 minutes.

Release Date : 11th October 2010.

In a closed down hospital, Roslyn, a nurse with a history of mental health problems, takes a night job reconciling files for storage. With only one other person in the building, working on a similar project in the psychiatric department on a different floor, the long nights of isolation begin to take their toll and our protagonist begins to question whether her imagination is running away with itself, as there are some strange occurrences taking place. To add to the stress of the situation, there is also a serial killer called The Nighthawk on the loose, and he appears to be localised in the near vicinity…

Sara Foster stars as the troubled leading lady who is struggling with her own past, which is conveniently interlinked with the hospital files she is processing, and Cary Elwes makes a welcome return to the big screen hamming it up in fine form as the initially friendly Dr Clement. To add to the mix, we also have Michael Biehn mumbling through a remarkably irrelevant role as the local detective and Coleen Camp as a rotund support nurse. All in all, a reasonable B list cast and a remarkably familiar setup should lead to a solid 90 minutes of trashy fun, however, Psych: 9 goes off the rails from the opening scene (possibly the least impressive pre-credits kill on film) and then proceeds to get much, much worse.

Cary Elwes can be forgiven for most things simply because of the Princess Bride, but Psych: 9 might be pushing the limits of tolerance. Whilst the film ticks a lot of boxes: scary deserted hospital - check, gritty dark cinematography - check, serial killer on the loose - check, suspicion falling on husband, detective, security guard and then entire supporting cast – check; it fails to deliver on anything, largely due to the completely ludicrous script.

Presumably, the filmmakers were aiming for a tense, psychological thriller with supernatural overtones. Instead what we get is a completely jumbled plot, pathetic "twists" that can be seen coming a mile off and all in all, a bit of an embarrassment to the horror genre. The best (only?) effective jump scare in the entire film is a cheap, cheap shot that has no bearing whatsoever on the rest of the film. The relationship between Roslyn and her husband makes very little sense at the beginning of the film, and none whatsoever at the end. Characters appear and disappear almost at random, and by the last fifteen minutes it would appear even the cast and director had given up trying to work out what was going on. Incoherent at best and insulting at worst, Psych 9 offers nothing new, and is one of those rare films that makes the viewer kick themselves for humouring it to the final credits. Avoid like the plague.

Alex & Sarah Chambers.

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