6th May 2009

On June 6th 2007, I was in Screen 6 at my local cinema watching Paradise Lost, the enjoyably yucky horror/torture pic that I'd previously missed on account of not going to the FrightFest event in Glasgow. A full fourteen years earlier, on June 6th 1993, I was at the Scala Cinema's final day of Asian violence movies. And a year before that, on June 6th 1992, I was in Northampton for "Nothing Shocking", a one-day festival of horror and exploitation movies that included such questionable delights as Chopper Chicks In Zombietown, Deadbeat At Dawnand the really terrible Revenge Of Billy The Kid.

Meanwhile, on 26th September 2007 I was at my local Screen 4 watching Quentin's ludicrously overlong conversation piece with a few car stunts thrown in, Death Proof. Whilst exactly eight years before that, I was in the same building's Screen 1 for Jan De Bont's shiny CGI-laden The Haunting.

I know all this because I have a database that I have scrupulously maintained over the last 25 years or so, firstly on a typed list and subsequently on various incarnations of Windows, kept on 5-inch floppy discs, subsequently graduating to hard drives and USB sticks. Originally I pumped it full of as much information as possible: cinematographers, producers, writers, effects technicians and production designers, but I didn't bother with such a high level of detail when I discovered the internet: the IMDB has all that kind of data and more. Now I just keep it for title, director, year, BBFC, main cast, music score, place and date (for theatrical screenings), and update it at the end of every year.

The database lasts, but the memory unfortunately doesn't. Last year watched the heaving bosom of Stephanie Beacham in And Now The Screaming Starts, and until I came to update the lists I'd clean forgotten that I had seen it before. And less than a week ago the same thing happened with Zoltan: Hound Of Dracula. I don't know when and I cannot remember a thing about it, but quite clearly I had already forced myself through it, and now have forced myself through it again.

On the other hand, I was absolutely sure that I'd seen For A Few Dollars Moreabout twenty years ago, but looking through my Big Fat Alphabetical List this morning I see nothing between dull Oirish drama Fools Of Fortune(Portsmouth Rendezvous Cinema, 27 September 2000) and For Better Or For Worse, a completely unremembered Kim Cattrall action comedy which apparently has Christopher Lee in it.

The other weird thing is my ratings, for which I use the same star system as Empire and Radio Times: it gets one star for turning up and five for a copper-bottomed classic. Obviously any rating system is going to be inconsistent: is Lifeforcereally in the same league as Verhoeven's Flesh + Blood? Both are four star films. I watched Hellbound: Hellraiser IIagain last night and can only assume that the paltry score of two I gave it was due in part to the heavy cuts, because even though it's a complete mess, it's really worth three. Conversely, why does the dull humparama Nine Songshave four stars when it deserves two at best? Must have been mad.

And there are films on the list - films I've definitely seen - of which I have not a scrap of memory. What on Earth is Lethal Obsession? Darkdrive? The Rain Killer? When The Bullet Hits The Bone? Even looking them up on the net doesn't bring them to mind. They're obviously neither masterpieces, nor rubbish enough to stick in the mind.

And if you think all that's nerdy and geeky and dorky - I also have a biscuit barrel in my lounge, for keeping my cinema ticket stubs. So if I am ever required to prove where I was at twenty past nine on the evening of October 4th, 2000 - I can. Sitting in my local Screen 1 watching Hollow Man(in the presence of someone who was, to put in charitably, stoned out of his skull and kept wailing "He's invisible!" at the screen). And I've got the paperwork to prove it.

Until the next time.

Richard.