GORE IN THE STORE
REVIEWS BY FANS FOR FANS
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

Satan's Baby Doll
Feast 111
Phobia
A Lizzard in a Woman's Skin
Valhalla Rising
City of the Living Dead
Dorothy
Daybreakers
Daybreakers-Second opinion
Harpoon: The Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre
Harpoon:The Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre-Second opinion
Feast 3:The Happy Finnish
Raging Phonix
His Name Was Jason
Left Bank
Ju-On: White Ghost/White Ghost
Spiral
Ghost Machine
Stag Night
Bitch Slap
The Descent 2
The Descent 2-Second opinion
Dance of The Dead
Henry Lee Lucas: Serial Killer
House Of The Devil
The Twilight Saga
New Moon
Salvage
Salvage-Second opinion
Dread
The Haunted World of
El Superbeasto
Saw VI
The Horseman
Triangle-Second opinion
Triangle
Cabin Fever 2-Third opinion
Cabin Fever 2-Second opinion
Cabin Fever 2
Stan Helsing
Pandorum
Pandorum-Second opinion
Open Graves
Paranormal Activity
Growth
Growth-Second opinion
Train
Antichrist
Wrong Turn 3
Coffin Rock
Orphan
Sorority Row
Drag Me to Hell
Staunton Hill
Summer Moon
Driftwood
Messengers 2

 

Directed by Mario Bianchi. Starring Jacqueline Dupre, Mariangela Giordano, Aldo Sambrelli. Mystery / Thriller, Italy, 104 min.

Firstly, and unfortunately, ‘Satan’s Baby Doll’ is not a film about demonic lingerie. The story, if you can dig deep enough to find it, is about a young girl who is possessed by her dead mother and then seduces everyone so she can kill them. Or something like that?

The first thing you will notice about ‘Satan’s Baby Doll’ is the intriguing notice placed before the film. We are told that this is an extended version of the film, previously only available in a rare German XXX version… Now I am not sure if this is meant as an enticement or as a warning, either way it sets the tone for the film nicely, we are about to indulge in some serious trash. Worryingly it seems that without these lovely extra scenes the film probably would have only run for just over an hour as apparently 10 minutes have been added. 10 minutes of my life I won’t ever get back!

Now I really thought I had hit an all time low with films such as ‘Vampiros Lesbos’ and ‘The Erotic Witch Project’ but it seems I have reached new depths with this ‘film’. I don’t want to be too harsh here, but looking down a list of other work from Mario Bianchi you kind of get the impression that the whole thing was just an excuse to throw some nudity on the screen. All I can say to that is thank God the titles are all Italian and intelligible because the thought of what may be in films like ‘Analita profondo…orgasmi del secondo canale’ and ‘ Bestial fantasy strain amori di donne’ is kinda creeping me out. ‘Satan’s Baby Doll’ is probably a lot less harmful…

When the film actually begins it looks pretty cool to be honest. Has all the things you need from an old trash horror: creepy castle location, spooky (but rubbish) sound effects, characters that look uninspired and bored, and no shortage of crash zooms. The opening scene however makes very little sense and is designed to create a sense of intrigue and fear; the fear however lies in the fact that this film may not get any better than the opening scene.

Then comes the rock score, only slightly stolen from the mind of Dario Argento. It works on the opening credits but then just falls flat. The entire score of the film is very basic and doesn’t really do anything to help the film, especially when we get into the cheesy XXX scenes. Talking of cheese, I will take this opportunity to mention the poor acting and dialogue. There really is not that much to say about it except… well no, there really is nothing good to say about it.

There is some very interesting camera work in the film and some of it is shot very lovingly. I was actually blown away by one dialogue scene with a man in a wheelchair, the camera is fixed at the bottom of the wheelchair looking up at the two characters as they talk, thereby using the wheelchair as a dolly. It is very creative and looks awesome here.

This is probably the first time in history that I would have preferred to see a cut version of a film. The extended shots of gratuitous (but don’t get excited as they are pretty tame) porn just get really annoying and boring very quickly. The quality of the scenes that have been ‘restored’ are so poor, covered in scratches and dirt that they really aren’t worth watching. They certainly don’t add to the film. In fact they actually take you out of the film, as they are so jarring to the viewer. It is almost as if they have been cut in by a really lonely but computer savvy teenager. But I guess you can’t take it too seriously, it’s just a bit of harmless fun after all. And it was the 1980s…

The film is very slow and doesn’t really go anywhere. There is a lot of talky talky and not very much action. It is pretty much gore and horror free except for a rather pointless and laughable zombie scene and an interesting yet ridiculous and badly paced death scene towards the end.

The film only gets one star simply because I am really not mean enough to give it zero, and I did really like the wheelchair shot.

Some folk will want to check this film out for nostalgic reasons or just to see something a little unusual but it probably isn’t something that everyone should rush out and watch. If you can get past the pointless sex, cheap death scenes and confusing narrative then you may actually have a good time with this one, however there are a lot better similar films out there.

The DVD contains a couple of alternate scenes and a biography (partly thanks to our hero Alan Jones) and a very cool section with trailers for all of the films in the ‘Shameless’ series. Very exciting for trailer trash hounds.

By Russell Gomm

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