THE CRITIC-AL LIST
Reviews by Alan Jones
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Inception
Predators
The Twilight Saga:Eclipse
Toy Story 3
Hot Tub Time Machine
Iron Man 2
Repo Men
The Collector
Clash of the Titans
Shelter
How To Train Your Dragon
Kick-Ass
Shutter Island
Alice In Wonderland
The Crazies
Case 39
The Wolfman
Legion
The Lovely Bones
Black Death
Daybreakers
Avatar
Ninja Assassin
The Descent: Part 2
Amer
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
The Box
2012
Disney's A Christmas Carol
The Horseman
Solomon Kane
Pandorum
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs
District 9
An Education
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra
Orphan
A Perfect Getaway
The Imaginarium Of
Doctor Parnassus
Up
Harry Potter
And The Half-Blood Prince
The Taking of Pelham 123
Transformers
The Revenge Of The Fallen
Antichrist
Terminator Salvation
Last House On The Left
Inglorious Basterds
Angels & Demons
Adventureland
Star Trek
Crank: High Voltage
Coraline
Dragonball Evolution
Let The Right One In
Drag Me To Hell
Race to Witch Mountain
Knowing
Monsters Vs. Aliens
Not Quite Hollywood
Lesbian Vampire Killers
Martyrs
The Children
Surveillance
Watchmen
The Unborn
The International
Friday The 13th
Franklyn
Push
Punisher:War Zone
The Good The Bad And
The Weird
Hush
Underworld
The Rise OF The Lycans
My Bloody Valentine
Bolt
Slumdog Millionaire

Directed by Terry Gilliam. Starring Heath Ledger, Christopher Plummer, Tom Waits, Lily Cole, Andrew Garfield, Verne Troyer. Adventure/Fantasy, Fr/UK/Can, 122 min.

I was bored, restless and slightly embarrassed watching Terry Gilliam’s pretty awful slice of hopelessly dated psychedelic nonsense. Let’s face it BRAZIL was a very long time ago now and while I don’t want to be rude and say his best work is way behind him what else can be concluded in the light of TIDELAND (horrible), THE BROTHERS GRIMM (boring) and FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS (which I feared and did loathe).

Gilliam seems to thrive on production calamity and disarray. Something I witnessed first hand in Rome while covering THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN as it collapsed around him back in 1988. Now comes Gilliam’s latest fraught-with-disaster pet project and the only thing this load of old hippie cobblers is going to be remembered for is Heath Ledger’s final screen performance. And even he’s not that great in it either. Seriously, Gilliam’s light fantastic touch with surreal whimsy deserts him completely in this confused plod through his familiar themes and visual trademarks. Recycling elements from TIME BANDITS, MUNCHAUSEN and THE FISHER KING, Gilliam’s self-indulgent morality tale centres on a travelling carnival sideshow run by the once immortal Dr. Parnassus (Christopher Plummer in dotty King Lear mode) who wagers with the devilish Mr Nick (annoyingly hip Tom Waits) over the fate of his sixteen year-old daughter Valentina (supermodel Lily Cole, surprisingly good). You see Parnassus traded his immortality for youth in order to woo Valentina’s mother, the deal being Valentina herself when come-of-age. So now Parnassus wants to renege on that promise and makes a final bet with the Devil. If he can secure five souls before Satan can, Valentina will be free of the bargain. Ledger plays the mysterious Tony that Parnassus’ freak show rescues from suicide to help win the bet. Because he died mid production, Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell take over from Ledger every time he steps through the enchanted mirror allowing punters access to transforming imaginary universes. Farrell wins hands down in the swap by the way. While a clever way of covering up Ledger’s sudden demise, these fantasy sequences are really clunky, featuring very basic CGI (did they use an Amstrad?) and old-fashioned Monty Python/YELLOW SUBMARINE imagery. I mean, how did Gilliam think he could get away with dancing policemen in tutus in this day and age?  Ledger’s death seems to have derailed much of the story coherence too. Valentina’s love interest Anton (Andrew Garfield) gets increasingly sidelined and his character more pointless as the plot goes out of control. But the bottom line truly is you’ve seen this all before and done so much better by Gilliam at the peak of his 12 MONKEYS powers.

Wilfully eccentric and totally out of synch with contemporary mores and current movie-going trends, this rambling and over-bearing phantasmagoria is really going to struggle to find an audience, despite the Ledger factor.

Alan Jones

© London FrightFest Ltd. 2000-2009
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