Director Joe Johnston. Starring Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, Hugo Weaving Horror/Thriller, USA, 125 minutes.

Honey, I Shrunk the Myth. So long on the shelf I felt I’d seen it already, director Joe Johnston’s reboot of the classic Universal monster may be drenched in a keen Gothic atmosphere and claw-ripping gore.

But it has no substance whatsoever, the endless rewrites and re-shoots clearly tearing its heart out and leaving a very superficial beast behind. Hard to believe that star/producer Benicio del Toro, who does resemble Lon Chaney Jr it must be said, professes to idolize the hairiest and hoariest of creatures in the Universal pantheon. For the end result of his supposed adoration is a careless, empty and haphazard chiller resembling a big budget lesser Hammer movie. Prosthetics genius Rick Baker’s werewolf design is bold and striking, the man-to-wolf alterations using effective CGI as extensions of his groundbreaking vision from AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. Just those neat makeovers – the best one taking place in the Lambeth Asylum section - can’t hold this shoddy scare-fest together though despite Johnston’s trademark JURASSIC PARK III de-saturated look and endless cuts to speeded up moonrises when in dramatic doubt. Let’s get one thing straight from the start; Andrew Kevin Walker (SE7EN) and David (ROAD TO PERDITION) Self’s screenplay is not an adaptation of Curt Siodmak’s 1941 screenplay for THE WOLFMAN, its basis is more Universal’s first 1935 stab at lycanthropy with THE WEREWOLF OF LONDON. When his brother goes missing on the ancestral Talbot estate in Blackmoor, famed actor Lawrence (del Toro) goes home to discover a horrifying destiny for himself. Gored by a mysterious werewolf in a gypsy camp, he changes into a savage beast when the moon is full. Will he find out the identity of his attacker (simples!) and will the love of his brother’s fiancée Gwen Conliffe (Emily Blunt) finally save him?  By the end of a very long 98 minutes you won’t care. Oh, and Scotland Yard Inspector Abilene (Hugo Weaving), you know the one FROM HELL investigating Jack the Ripper, turns up in the Victorian hamlet to add absolutely nothing to the weak central plot. But then you’ll also wonder what the point is of Singh (Art Malik), the weird manservant of Talbot’s estranged father (Anthony Hopkins). Or of the hilarious quack Dr Hoenegger, played with a camp relish by Anthony Sher, who tries to prove lycanthropy is all in the mind – with a suitably grisly comeuppance. With practically no scenes between Lawrence and Gwen, and no chemistry between del Toro and Blunt anyway, even the romantic aspect is a non-starter in this tiresome terror where, according to one deathless line of dialogue, “The past is a wilderness of horrors”.

The Universal plan to remount their classic monster movies for a new generation gets off to a dodgy start with THE WOLFMAN. Let’s hope that other del Toro, Guillermo, fares better with FRANKENSTEIN.

Alan Jones

© London FrightFest Ltd. 2000-2010
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THE CRITIC-AL LIST
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

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