THE CRITIC-AL LIST
Reviews by Alan Jones
5 STAR FAB - 1 STAR RUBBISH

Salt
The Expendables
The Last Airbender
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Inception
Predators
The Twilight Saga:Eclipse
Toy Story 3
Hot Tub Time Machine
Iron Man 2
Repo Men
The Collector
Clash of the Titans
Shelter
How To Train Your Dragon
Kick-Ass
Shutter Island
Alice In Wonderland
The Crazies
Case 39
The Wolfman
Legion
The Lovely Bones
Black Death
Daybreakers
Avatar
Ninja Assassin
The Descent: Part 2
Amer
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
The Box
2012
Disney's A Christmas Carol
The Horseman
Solomon Kane
Pandorum
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs
District 9
An Education
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra
Orphan
A Perfect Getaway
The Imaginarium Of
Doctor Parnassus
Up
Harry Potter
And The Half-Blood Prince
The Taking of Pelham 123
Transformers
The Revenge Of The Fallen
Antichrist
Terminator Salvation
Last House On The Left
Inglorious Basterds
Angels & Demons
Adventureland
Star Trek
Crank: High Voltage
Coraline
Dragonball Evolution
Let The Right One In
Drag Me To Hell
Race to Witch Mountain
Knowing
Monsters Vs. Aliens
Not Quite Hollywood
Lesbian Vampire Killers
Martyrs
The Children
Surveillance
Watchmen
The Unborn
The International
Friday The 13th
Franklyn
Push
Punisher:War Zone
The Good The Bad And
The Weird
Hush
Underworld
The Rise OF The Lycans
My Bloody Valentine
Bolt
Slumdog Millionaire

Directed by Zack Snyder. Starring Patrick Wilson, Billy Crudup, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Malin Akerman, Matthew Goode. Fantasy action thriller, USA, 150 min. Web Site

Didn’t THE INCREDIBLES do this now obvious story so much better? Director Zack Snyder’s adaptation of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon’s landmark comic book series is just okay. It may be the arrested development fan-boys dream but anyone else will wonder what all the long-in-development fuss was about that got the likes of Terry Gilliam, Darren Aronofsky and Paul Greengrass so excited at various junctures.

Although visually interesting and pleasingly 18 rated (loved the gore, the mutilation and pansexual nudity), it’s quite ponderous and ultimately facile for all its quicksilver cult graphic novel credentials. It starts with a pretty good montage to Bob Dylan’s ‘Times They Are A-Changin’ outlining the key parallel universe events that lead to an alternate 1985 where superheroes have been pensioned off by five term President Richard Nixon. On the eve of a nuclear face-off between America and Russia, vigilante Rorshach (Jackie Earle Haley) is investigating the weird death of slob hero Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). He uncovers a plot to discredit and murder various former costumed crime fighters – Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), Silk Spectre II (Malin Akerman), Nite Owl II (Patrick Wilson) – which their genuinely omni-powered colleague Doctor Manhattan (motion-captured Billy Crudup) is unknowingly playing his blue-glowing part. It’s a devious one that will change the course of history, the universe blah, blah, blah. The main problem with WATCHMEN is the creative team’s dogged adherence to the ‘bible’ of the comic. Purists may appreciate that approach but in movie terms the continual flashback/back-story/character epiphany climax gets a bit GROUNDHOG DAY samey. Had Snyder and company not been so scared of upsetting admirers of Moore’s now quite old-fashioned allegory, it would have made for a better picture. Out of the vaguely familiar, reasonably proficient cast Jackie Earle Haley puts in the best performance – his jail repartee is hilarious.  Matthew Goode puts in the worst, camping and posing around like he’s still in stiff upper lip BRIDESHEAD REVISITED land. Between the self-important and arch dialogue scenes, either set in subterranean bat-caves, MEAN STREETS bedrooms, DEATH WISH alleyways or on Mars, the main CGI spectacle fails to thrill or move in the way it should for a tent-pole movie at this mega-budget level. A key example is the nuclear flattening of NYC with its pointed 9/11 similarities. The soundtrack choices are an obvious melange too – Nat King Cole, Simon and Garfunkel, Jimi Hendrix - All Along the Watchmen Tower indeed.

Once past writing this review of WATCHMEN I’ll have forgotten all about it. Wasn’t MYSTERY MEN a lot more fun?

Alan Jones

© London FrightFest Ltd. 2000-2009
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